I don't know what I want. I really don't know what I want. I wish I had someone to hold in these last couple of hours. I wish I had someone to send a message to when I'm not feeling good. I wish I had someone else to call when there's spare time at night in camp. But I know what obligations and commitments these privileges come latched with. And I know, all too well, that this is neither the right time nor place.

Suck it up. Suck it up and push forward. Pray, and when you lie in bed at night, thank God for all that has happened, good or bad. Then maybe, just maybe, this aching will go away the next morning...